Good Girl Interrupted

Good Girl. What does it really mean? In this jungle-kind of real world, we sometimes have to put aside our good-breed-and-all-that-good-stuff mannerisms to defend ourselves whenever attacked. The core behind that defense mechanism lies on the fact that just like in a jungle, our human instincts tell us to fight sometimes in order to survive.

I could tolerate a lot. You could blow me off with an offensive remark that I will just ignore especially when your motive is just to irritate me. But there are boundaries..and there always will be.

However, after fighting, my stomach would tighten and from then, i'd know that I feel guilty for fighting back, for offending the person, and for losing control. I have to get this out from my system! I do not want to fight but I do not want to be fought with either.

Misery loves company. It is desperate to inflict whoever it gets near with. It takes consolation from its illusion that they are not alone and that there is always misery in someone's heart that they want to activate. They go down and when they do, they might as well take down with them anyone they could bring.

And betrayal. What a word. Imagine your secrets being said in the mouth of someone someone you never told your secrets with at all. That really caught me by surprise. And you immediately know who told him/her for you only told one person in the world. Have you experienced that? Alas, confiding secrets to a false friend!

I'm so tired of their drama...so tired of hearing those endless arguments...and so tired of tolerating my eardrums. I might as well get tired of understanding. So instead of decoding their drama, I might as well call this day, Thankful Thursday (adapted from thedailybalance.com) because there are a lot of things I'm really thankful for...and misery and betrayal are not one of them.

Today..
I am thankful for the morning drizzle that reminds me of home.
I am thankful for my own cubicle at office where I can eat breakfast.
I am thankful for the constant support system of my family.
I am thankful for Red who helps me get through every rough road.
I am thankful for the sun, moon, and everything else in between.
I am thankful for every blessing He has given me.
I am thankful for everything He has given me... :)

I am thankful that I will soon have my own netbook. I can't wait for it!

xoxo ;)

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500 Days of Summer

Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn't.

After watching the movie, I was really confused albeit the explicit narrations, superb acting of the cast, and the clear storyline. Mike and I kept discussing that night on why Summer cannot "commit", why Tom has to expect so much, whether it was Tom's illusion of falling in love with love that hinders the relationship's growth, or maybe there was not just love present at all. It says alot actually since the movie began saying that it is not a love story.

It is quite disturbing. Somehow, it failed to instill an emotional attachment on me. I just could not really understand the girl's disposition. She holds Tom's hand, kisses him, strolls at the park with him, goes to movies with him, opens up her deepest secrets to him, and so forth. So why? Why has she failed to found the "IT" factor in Tom?

At one scene,Tom asked her what they were doing, she innocently answered "going to the movies". What Tom meant was what their status was. She then remarked there's no need to define as long as they are happy. So if she's happy being with him, what was there to know about Tom being not for her or vice versa? Of all those long talks, Tom making favors for him, Tom excusing her eccentricities, Tom and her enjoying their husband-and-wife game at the IKEA, and Tom riding her to the movies. Behind all those gestures, was there not a single minute indication of the grandeur that beats her heart aka love?

At the park, maybe it was the 468th day or something, they met..again. She knew it was Tom's favorite spot in the city and hoped she'd find him there. She eventually did. She was glad that Tom's doing fine in pursuing his dreams in architecture.But the worst part was when she told him that she knew... she knew why she was not sure of Tom.

Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.(long pause)

Tom: Knew what?

Summer: I found out what I was not sure of you. (Tom faces away from Summer and cries.)

Could it be any lonelier and more painful for Tom? And I could not comprehend well why Summer married.

Tom: You don't want to be named as someone's boyfriend, and now your someone's wife? 

Summer: It just happened.

Oh really? Oh how cruel could Summer be? (just my opinion)

However, the movie was a perfect balance for being an indie and a blockbuster flick. I so love Zooey's beautiful face, she's that carefree, cool to care, and summerish beauty you'd imagine to be perfect model on a "happy" magazine. And Tom's character is well... many people can relate to him. So heartbreaking. His story more clears the saying that love sucks. Well, if we read between the lines, Tom has defined love mistakenly. clearly.

Tom: I think it’s official. I’m in love with Summer. I love how she makes me feel.

 

He might as well concluded in the last sentence: I love her. But he did not. Instead, he said, I love how she makes me feel. So what if she stops making him feel that he loves?

So just how we often decode the past, we look back, and Tom's sister said it best, which Tom followed.

Rachel: Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again.

True indeed.

  

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the company building

I have to give an uber thanks to Mike for taking this shot. Such a breathtaking view of the building of the company that I work for ;)
Since I am on the seventh floor, just count seven from the ground floor and voila, you'll see me near the window mounting my keyboard and bleeding my nose. hehe.
When looking out the window from inside the building, you also could get to see a breathtaking view of the Asiatown IT Park and the clouds above it. Relaxation to the eyes, indeed.
Tomorrow, I'll be heading off to that place again to continue my undone tasks in my job. Until then, I will blog and blog. ciao! ;)

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Power of the Mind

The power of the mind goes beyond calculations, memorizations, and analysis. The mind dictates the whole system of our human anatomy that whatever we think of ourselves, we act likewise. If we think that we are miserable, then yes we are. If we think that we are strong, then, we surely are. These are so many thoughts that could enter our mind and how foolish I am to always think of what’s negative. I always tell myself to be strong. But as what my zodiac sign is symbolized with, crabs are tough on the outside, so soft in the inside. Yup, I am part of the Cancer club. We are perceived to be nurturing, motherly, creative, emotional, and the trait that defines me most, moody, as we are ruled by the heavenly body, Moon.

I could not clearly remember how I became moody. Maybe it rooted out from my childhood, from teenagehood, or maybe from my exact birth. Whatever the start of occurrence is, the reality remains that negative energies easily overwhelm me. Sometimes, I drown in a crowd of strangers that I have to literally remind myself to breathe. But sometimes, I could shine with the sun and count my friends as if I were counting the sand that lies on a pristine white beach. Is this because I am a cancer? Or is it simply just me? Oh how fleeting our feelings are.

A good friend told me that I must stop trying to be strong. Instead, I must be strong. That was so eye-opening for me as trying is really different from doing. “Do not try to be strong; be strong.” I would have taken the advice with open arms and open mind if only, the advice did not come from him. The words shook my illusions of reunion and reconciliation; the words were the implicit message that there could never be again.

There are so million thoughts that wander through my mind and I could not think of any that may not uncover the twinge in my heart. I never wanted to affirm the inevitable truth that fate always finds a way to reveal that some things are not meant to be..that some things must not be asserted when events oppose to your plans…and that things can be accepted by us, but we must also be ready to let go of it. When put in a cage, a butterfly loses its spirit, its magic, and its beauty.

“How lucky I am to find something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” What an irony. But still, I really am lucky to have found someone who taught me to lessen the maldita attitude and to be emotionally independent. It was a nice relationship. But that was it, a nice relationship.

Be strong not for him, not for anyone, but just for myself. Sometimes, our hearts deceive us. And we must not trust our heart’s instinct for it only beats on every pulse; it does not rationalize the system of our mind. Indeed, it’s the other way around. Our mind controls our heart. And the order of decisions must be based on that fact. The power of the mind is so immense that I could still afford to walk straight no matter how bended my spirit has become.
The negative energies that overwhelm me and sometimes, overpower me remain my companion. So the struggle still remains in me. When ugly voices tell me to give up, I respond by the message that I can do it, I am still learning. It is not difficult; I just still haven’t learned yet! When ugly voices tell me to never retreat in a losing battle, I respond by saying that it is pride and disobedience to go against God’s obvious plans that I must go forward, think wisely, and fight like how a soldier must-with purpose, dignity, and His blessings.

When ugly voices tell me that my life is miserable, I respond by saying that life is not perfect. Adversities are just part of life to remind us that we must be humble especially, when many good things blind us from being grounded. Confusions are just part of our unstable mind that seeks to understand everything beyond wisdom. And failures happen to us to remind us that we are only strong if we are with Him.

Everyday we wake to fight a battle against mediocrity. Everyday must count. And I can do this. Of course, I can. Have a wonderful Sunday!

How about you? How do you respond to challenges?

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Ally Mcbeal

I almost forgot how the Ally Mcbeal songs used to create a huge impact on me, especially Vonda Shepard's.... Feels great to fall in love again..with the songs, I mean. ;)

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Nothing can break Us down

While the Filipinos were still mourning over the loss of their beloved heroine, Tita Cory, their faith, strength and unity were again tested when Ondoy and Pepeng storms hit the country. Nobody expected, or at the least imagined, that the tropical depression would effect heavy floods, strong winds, death of loved ones, thousands of homeless families, injured citizens and a disgruntled-again nation.

It was just another warning from the PAG-ASA that a storm will again hit the country. Since the weather-forecast agency classified Pepeng as signal number one, the people overlooked the 50-kph wind that the storm chaperoned. So continued our avid watch of telenovelas on TV; the day after, our own real-life stories of the storm were being watched by the world.

The tragedy, however, brought alive the spirit of "Bayanihan", which was thought to have been erased by today's technology and lifestyle. Pepeng showed us that the tradition still belongs in every Filipino's values. Instead of carrying a nipa hut over their shoulders, Filipinos carried relief goods, formed text brigades, donated money, said prayers, and offered hope to our fellow Filipinos who were greatly affected by the storms. All these selfless efforts proved that no tragedy, recession, or battle could dismantle the values that have defined our nation to the world.

Click here for more info on how to help Ondoy victims: http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/nation/view/20090928-227308/How-to-help-Ondoy-victims

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a worth-watching feel-good movie

very funny, creative and reallllll....
to the window, to the wall ;)

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weather weather lang bah iyan?

It was just an ordinary chat with my "ate"; we talked about me going to Manila or him going here in Cebu. Obviously, it was just a joke since traveling isn't that practical for us these times. And so went the conversation from a joke to a plan. We agreed to that I go to Manila and visit him on a certain weekend. He almost booked a flight when I interrupted both our enthusiasm with my remark that I must first ask permission to The Parents. Hmmm... Bad sign. They won't agree. Hahaha. So after some time, it was settled that we just stick to the original plan: All five of us will spend our Christmas in Manila (puhon). Ok fine ;)

Besides the unfriendly weather, Ondoy, Pepeng and all that, it's better that I go home to and spend my weekend in Bohol instead.

Ondoy, Pepeng and all That

I think it's hypocrisy that I do not write about how Pepeng affected my family and some of my friends. I heard that my cousins and aunt in Antipolo were affected by Pepeng. Their house was flooded (not to a great extent, though, thanks) and their two vehicles were being fixed due to the ruins the flood had caused. My relatives in Cavite and brother in Pasay are all right, though. I really do hope storms such as Ondoy and Pepeng, would no longer return to create havoc. I wasn't aware of the enormity of the storm on October 3rd until I returned to the office that Monday: I heard my work colleagues talk about how many Manilanians were trapped in their homes, drowned in the flood, rid in their "boats" to escape, and so forth. (You see, I lost contact with TV since I entered the boarding-house life.) And when Ondoy left, there came Pepeng that affected the Northern Luzon: only the roof of SM Pangasinan can be seen due to the flood, roads in Baguio and Benguet crashed down, and families, animal livestock, and houses were greatly affected.

In so short a time, this country went through some major situations: Cory's death, the presidentiables' "contest", and these storms.

Corazon Aquino

Is it too late for me to write about Tita Cory's death? I think not. Her death was not a fad at all; it was history right before our eyes. When I was younger, I used to write a lot about her husband, the late Ninoy, whom I looked up to as a hero... and Filipino at that. Theirs was a story of love and patriotism which all surfaced to countless sacrifices...and a great story at that...a story that the world knew of and the Filipinos will always drew strength from, mark as a legend, and look up to as our country's sweetest history.

Her husband was assassinated upon returning here to convince the dictator to restore democracy: She avenged his death by fulfilling his return's mission.
She was the first female president of the Philippines: It was a feat that was hardly and bravely won amidst the cruel dictatorship that threatened, tortured and manipulated people at that time.
She was named Times 1987 Woman of the Year: She made every Filipino proud of her own laurel, our laurel.
She revised the constitution in the year I was born: She made me grateful to be born in a democratic country.
She stepped down after six years of being president: She taught us to be humble, to not be power-greed, and to be law-abiding citizens.
With all that, she showed us greatness, nobility and dignity by her courage, humility and simplicity.


Thanks Tita Cory. I may have not seen the EDSA 1 but heard enough to attest that you and your husband loved the Filipinos. Both of you showed us, Filipinos, and the world that this race of ours is worth living and dying for. Thanks for restoring the democracy in the country.

How about you? How did Cory and Ninoy made you proud to be a Filipino?

Photo Credits:
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2518/3976697415_cd42ffecdf_m.jpg http://voyagefilm.com/2009/08/06/the-famous-anonymous/

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surprise

I was eating at mcdo when lifehouse’s breathing played on the resto’s airwaves. Immediately, I remembered how Stephanie decoded the so-obvious lyrics to me during one regular day in high school.

I am hanging on every word you day
And even if you don’t want to speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing else more than to sit outside Heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be



The last two lines of the chorus dramatically reveal the songwriter’s simple want of just listening to the breathing of whoever the song is for. So simple. So humble. So emooooo. Nice song. Brings to me nostalgia of a time when everything is just about music. Michelle Branch’s sudden famous, Britney’s revelation to sexiness, Creed’s phenomenal My Sacrifice, the slow death of boybands (hehe), and then there was Lifehouse.

Desperate for changing,
Starving for truth,
I’m closer to where I started
I’m chasing after you
I’m falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I’ve held onto
I’m standing here until you make me move
I’m hanging by a moment here with you



My friends and I were on our way home from “laag” when Lifehouse’s Hanging by a Moment stirred the airwaves. This time, it was from a jeepney’s radio. Hmmm… So surprising how their songs still play on the radio these days. So surprising how the old feeling never goes.

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movement

more often than not, i wished for a younger brother or sister because i love how my little cousins call me ate cathy...like how they wanted me to take care of them, to play with them and to be with them. makes me feel older and younger at the same time.

well... these past few weeks or days, i enjoy watching little cute children play, eat or simply do nothing. hmmm...i don't know. maybe because i want to be like them again. i never really had a great childhood.. but it was easier, simplier and easygoing back then than this current phase of mine. i wish i could go back to the times when all i just have to worry is what time my favorite Spice Girls music video will play on MTV again...or to whom i'd ask for money for my school baon..or better yet, how i am going to waste another summer season...hahahaha...yeah, those were the days with no responsibilities and worries yet. everything is taken care for you. everything about you is taken care of.

i guess all good things come to an end, as a song goes. we all have to grow up, let go and move forward even though half our senses begs to stay.

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